


Your Whisper Stilled My Heart

by TuppingLiberty



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Also lovely stormpilot times, Alternate Universe - Dystopia, Alternate Universe - Spies & Secret Agents, Anal Sex, Brainwashing, Falling In Love, First Time, Hugging, Kissing, M/M, Oral Sex, fascist government, graphic violence tag is for torture, hand holding, just your average dystopian spy action adventure where two dudes fall in love, not super graphic but
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-07
Updated: 2016-07-06
Packaged: 2018-07-22 00:40:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 11,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7411622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TuppingLiberty/pseuds/TuppingLiberty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The People's Republic of the First Order is allowed to exist because of its advanced weaponry, even though they use brainwashing to control their citizens. The Resistance are the only ones willing to do what it takes to take them down and save the citizens of the First Order.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. You'd been abused so horribly

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was inspired by The Bagman's Gambit by The Decemberists. Inspired by, as in, the author was listening to the Decemberists whilst also thinking of Stormpilot, set out to write The Bagman's Gambit, and instead came up with this. Enjoy. (Also listen to the song, it's great, even if I didn't end up writing this fic as closely to the lyrics as I thought I would.)

**Prologue**

In a well-tucked and basically impenetrable corner of the globe, the People’s Republic of the First Order, or First Order as it is known to most people, practices a particularly cruel form of submission on its citizens. They have no free will, no free thought. Because the First Order is highly militarized, the United Republics (UR) cannot fight against the First Order publicly. But a Resistance has formed, of concerned parties from elsewhere in the world, and citizens within First Order’s heavily protected borders. The Resistance’s best spy, Poe Dameron, has been working undercover inside First Order for years, and has finally found what he thinks is the key to freeing its citizens.

* * *

**The Present**

Finn woke with a start, clutching the empty sheets beside him uselessly. It was the third time this week he’d dreamed of him. Finn sighed into his pillow. Last week it’d been six times, so maybe he was improving. Maybe he was getting better at ignoring the feeling that there was a void missing from his bed, a space shaped like Poe that he couldn’t ignore. His tiny apartment, once so completely adequate, now felt empty and bare without the vitality that Poe had brought to it.

_“I’ll come back for you. We will escape somehow.”_

Finn clenched his fist as the words, whispered in his ear seconds before Poe had been forced to flee, came back to him once again. He was down to thinking about them maybe fifty times a day, so improvement there, too. Finn hadn’t really believed them then, and he certainly didn’t believe Poe now. Not because he believed Poe had been malicious in his lie. He’d just been making a promise he knew he couldn’t keep.

Disgusted with himself, Finn forced himself out of bed and pulled on the standard issue black sweats. Routine would help hold him together. His morning run was routine. He needed to make sure everyone saw him holding up his routine.

The Capitol was quiet at this time of the morning. Later, there’d be shuttles filling the streets with black and gray and white uniformed workers, chatting idly as they made their way to their government jobs. Poe had shown Finn pictures once of his own capital, and Finn’s eyes had bulged at the riot of colors and chaos that Poe assured him was normal in a place that believed in giving its citizens freedom. Finn’s first thought, the thought he knew now was programmed into him by the First Order government, as it was programmed into all of its citizens, was horror and fear at the sight. His second thought had been _‘ Oh, well that looks fun actually.’_ Poe’s pictures had seduced Finn just as easily as the man himself had.

As Finn ran through the boring marble and concrete corridors between buildings, he liked to imagine that he was in that other place, Poe’s homeland. The outside. He liked to imagine himself smiling and waving at street vendors (Finn had laughed in astonishment when Poe had explained such a thing existed. Imagine that, being able to buy your own food, and not just eat the standard protein packs delivered by the government each week?), maybe falling into rhythm with someone else who wanted to chat about their day. These thoughts were safe. First Order had not figured out how to police the inside of someone’s brain. Not yet, anyway.

There were a few other runners around, but most citizens would opt for the calisthenics class in the central squares at 7. The communicator on Finn’s wrist would make sure to log his steps and report that he had completed the required daily physical activity.

He was rounding the ornamental lake to head back to his building when the communicator buzzed. He stopped and looked down immediately to note the First Order state seal. It was an all-citizen broadcast, then.

The cold pale face of General Hux came onto his screen. “Citizens. Today is a great day for the First Order. Following an altercation that resulted in the unfortunate death of one of our citizens, Resistance spy Poe Dameron has been captured.” The image of Hux cut away to a grainy  video from one of the Capitol surveillance cameras of two white-uniformed troopers shooting a figure in black. Then, it flashed a picture of Poe’s face, and Finn’s stomach dropped to his feet. He may have made a sound, he wasn’t sure. Poe’s face, his beautiful, lively, snarky face, was covered in blood and bruises. He didn’t even really look like Poe anymore. General Hux’s face came back. “All citizens not engaged in duty at the time will be required to watch Dameron’s execution tomorrow at noon.” The First Order seal came back on. Near him, several other morning runners restarted their exercise routine.

Finn swallowed quickly, heaving a breath to keep from throwing up.

 _“No, they’ll never catch me now.”_ Poe’s voice whispered through his thoughts as though he was standing right next to Finn. Finn swallowed again and willed himself to step forward, to head home. To act normally.

* * *

 

**8 months ago:**

Routine, routine, routine. First Order had perfected it. It was safe to be a cog in a machine, a great machine if you believed General Hux. And you better believe General Hux. People who didn’t believe General Hux were generally assigned to reprogramming and then sent out of the Capitol to work the fields.

Finn liked his job, his cog in the machine. He worked sanitation and maintenance in the main Capitol building downtown. It wasn’t glamorous, but it was important work. Every person in the First Order was important.

And sometimes, because he worked at the Capitol Building, he got to see General Hux, and Captain Phasma, and even Kylo Ren, who were all way taller in real life than they appeared on TV.

So the routine was this: morning jog, protein packet, clock in, lunch, clock out, spend rec time at one of the First Order approved rec joints, or head home for a protein packet, First Order approved sitcoms, and bed. Rinse and repeat. In general, Finn preferred the home-sitcoms route, but sometimes Slip managed to convince him to come to one of the bars or pool halls, if he’d earned enough points through work to get a brew.

He had a surplus of points after managing to fix the trash compactor without having to call in outside help. His commander always appreciated efficiency. So, when Slip invited him along to the bar on Friday night, he didn’t have a hard time resisting.

“It’s this small joint off of A Street,” Slip explained as they boarded the transport. “I’m glad you came out, man.”

If Finn worried that Slip enjoyed his rec time a little too much, that it would be noticed and he’d be picked up for reprogramming and reassignment, well, Finn kept that to himself. He’d learned long ago that it was no use arguing with Slip. And if he accompanied him to the bar, he could keep an eye on him.

The joint was “hopping” as Slip put it, a small hole in the wall with the necessary First Order seals and licensing paperwork displayed along one wall. Finn knew Slip liked to go to places that weren’t First Order approved sometimes, but Slip knew Finn would never have agreed to come out if he’d been headed to one of those places.

At the bar, Finn scanned his communicator to pay for the beer with his points, and got one for Slip, too, feeling generous. Slip took it gratefully, laughing, and trying to pull Finn over to a pool table, but Finn found himself a stool in a dark corner and prepared to observe the scene. Slip just rolled his eyes and took off.

Finn was watching Slip play - watching Slip win - when another man sat next to him. “This seat taken?” he said, all brown eyes and short brown curls and smile.

“Go ahead,” Finn murmured. He automatically glanced down at the man’s communicator, where the small light for his sexual preference display glowed a bright, steady blue, indicating his preference for men. Finn’s own display was flashing through all of the available colors, meaning he was pan. The lights had turned on automatically when they’d entered the bar - it was possible to turn them off if the wearer wanted, but it was generally accepted, in the Capitol anyway, that when you entered a rec area like this, you were open to ‘social encounters,’ as the First Order booklets liked to call them.

Finn hadn’t had a social encounter in awhile, so he’d decided to keep the light flashing.

The other man smiled at him before taking a sip of his own beer. “You like to observe, huh?”

Finn nodded. “It’s relaxing, watching everyone else interact.”

The man nodded, too. “I like to do the same. You can learn a lot in a short amount of time, just by observing.”

“Finn 2187,” Finn said, holding out his hand.

“Peter 4381.” The man’s - Peter’s - handshake was firm, his hand warm and inviting.  The code told Finn Peter worked at the Communications building across town. “So, Finn, what do you see?”

Finn had always scored high on the analytics part of his aptitude tests. There had even been talk, recently, of moving him from maintenance and sanitation to tactics. Without thinking too hard, Finn began to list the social interactions he had been observing, and his speculation on their results. “The two women at the bar are definitely not looking for social encounters.” He tapped his knee against Peter’s in subtle communication; Peter didn’t shy away.

“Well, sure, their lights are off.”

“The one on the left was crying earlier. The one on the right keeps glaring at anyone that walks their way. They’re friends, obviously, but I think the one on the right would like to be more.”

“So why doesn’t she show it?”

“Because I’m guessing leftie is a Solid Blue.”

“Hmm. Well, that’s depressing, thanks.”

Finn laughed a little. “Sorry. Rightie should watch herself, though.” Social encounters of your preference were fine; extended relationships were not allowed. Cohabitation was inefficient, and long-term non-platonic attachments were messy. Finn finished his beer. It was a stupid rule, he thought. If a citizen could have long term friends, why not a long term social encounter? Wouldn’t it be nice to...encounter the same person more than once? No more fumbling, trying to learn each other’s likes and dislikes in a matter of minutes. But no one would ever hear him speak such thoughts aloud. He set the bottle down on the bar with a sense of finality. “I’m going to use the restroom.” He slid off of the stool and walked away, confident Peter would read between the lines.

There was already a couple in the hallway to the bathrooms, so Finn kept walking into the men’s room, which was blissfully empty. He leaned against the counter and waited. Less than a minute later, Peter walked through the door.

“You like to cut to the chase, huh?” Peter stopped in front of him.

Finn took a step forward, crowding into Peter’s space. “Why waste time on idle chitchat? We both knew where this was going. You think I’m attractive, I think you’re attractive.” Finn ran his hands down Peter’s chest, pleased at the contours there. _“ Very_ attractive.”

Peter groaned and muttered, “I should _not_ be doing this.”

Finn paused his exploration. “Why not?”

“Fuck if-” He bit the sentence off, turning away from Finn, and Finn’s brow furrowed.

“I thought we were on the same page here. Why’d you come back if you didn’t want-”

Finn was cut off by Peter’s hand on the side of his face. “Oh I want. But don’t you want more? More than just a ‘social encounter’ in the bathroom? You don’t even know me.”

Finn pursed his lips together. “That’s not...you shouldn’t be saying that out loud.”

Peter’s thumb ran over his cheek. “You deserve more, Finn.”

Finn frowned. “I don’t know what you mean.”

Peter sighed. “I know.” He glanced behind him, toward the door of the bathroom. “Are you going to be here again tomorrow night?”

“I don’t know, I wasn’t planning on it.” Finn was frustrated with the other man, now.

“Can you meet me?”

Finn’s eyes narrowed. Multiple encounters between the same people could spell trouble. “I can try, I guess.”

Peter’s grin flashed at Finn, and Finn thought _arrogant man_ _,_ but...fondly? “That’s all I can ask for.” With one last caress of Finn’s cheek, he turned around and walked out of the door, leaving Finn feeling strangely bereft.


	2. I recall that Fall

**Present Day:**

Poe had heard the message played over his guard's communicator. Finn would know now. The question was, would Finn come?

His cell door swung open, and two troopers came inside, hauling him up on his feet. "Not such a pretty boy now, are you?" one said.

"You're going to look worse when we're done with you," the other promised.

Poe began to build the house in his head he'd retreat to for the torture. Every brick, through the foundation, every piece of the house was built with Finn's strength in his heart.

**8 months ago:**

Slip was happy and surprised when Finn agreed to come out again. “Two nights in a row, man? Better watch out or you’ll get 'the talking to' from your commander.”

Slip knew all about “the talking to.” He’d had it more times than Finn could remember. Finn had never been pulled aside.

“Yeah, sure, Slip.”

“You ever wish you could have a day off? Maybe leave the Capitol?”

Finn glanced sharply at Slip, and noticed several other transport passengers did too. “Quiet, Slip. Let’s just have some fun tonight, yeah?”

Slip rolled his eyes but thankfully shut up.

At the bar, Finn followed what he supposed was now his routine; grab a beer, find a dark corner, observe life. He was disappointed when he scanned the room and found no trace of Peter, but maybe that was for the best. Peter was strange. Complicated.

He watched Slip joke around with the other guys. Slip was being loose tonight. Too loose? Finn stood, preparing to bully Slip into going home, when Peter came up to him frantically.

“We need to get Slip out of here.”

Finn narrowed his eyes at Peter, even though he’d just been thinking the same thing. “How do you know who Slip is?”

Peter’s mouth opened, but before he could answer, a group of white-clad troopers burst through the bar door. “Down!” their leader shouted, and everyone dropped to the bar floor. Finn gulped. He’d only seen this happen once before, on transport.

The leader of the troopers hit something on his communicator, and Slip’s communicator started beeping and flashing on his wrist.

“No, Slip,” Finn whispered. Beside him, Peter nudged him, in comfort or to remind him to be silent, Finn wasn’t sure.

Slip had been shocked into silence. As they hauled him up off the floor, he was shaking his head. They forced him to the door, and he spared back one glance, a silent “Finn” falling from his lips.

The bar was eerily quiet after the troopers left. As if by mutual agreement, the patrons, including Finn and Peter, began to shuffle out of the bar and away from the scene.

Finn jammed his hands in his pockets, unable to process what had happened. Sure, Slip said some stupid stuff sometimes, but who didn’t? He was alright. He didn’t deserve reprogramming and reassignment.

Finn suddenly realized Peter was still in step beside him. It clicked, then, what Peter had said right before the troopers had come in. _We need to get Slip out of here._ Finn stopped, reaching out to grab Peter’s arm and hold him tight to keep him from squirreling away. “You knew. How did you know?” Finn’s voice was low, deadly.

Peter glanced around him. “Can we talk about this in the park?” He nodded across the street, where one of the Capital rec parks lay in the dark. Though it would look odd, it was technically an allowed space for evening rec time.

Finn nodded, still clutching Peter by the arm, and marched them to the trees. Peter reached down to hit a button on his communicator. “There, we can talk now. Not for long, or they’ll notice. They’ll be tracking everyone that was at that bar for awhile.”

Finn shoved the man up against a tree. “Explain, then, quickly.”

“I’m with the Resistance.”

Whatever Finn had been expecting, that wasn’t it. “You’re-”

“My name is Poe, not Peter. Poe Dameron.”

Recognition of the name clicked. _Poe Dameron, Resistance Spy._ Finn had mostly thought he was a myth, a legend, a boogey man First Order used to scare people about disloyalty. He thought about his own position, in the Capitol Building itself, and about Poe approaching him in the bar last night, charming him.

“You- you were trying to _use_ me.”

Poe looked momentarily guilty, before saying, “Well actually, I stopped _you_ from using me. Well, I stopped _us_ from having a mutually beneficial and pleasant social encounter, because as fun as that would have been, and believe me, it would have been _fun_ , it also wouldn’t have been right on my part, misleading you like I was.”

Finn frowned as he analyzed the long string of words. “So you weren’t trying to get an inside man at the Capitol Building.”

Poe winced. “Well…”

“Tell me why I shouldn’t turn you in right now.”

“Because you didn’t immediately turn me in. Which tells me they haven’t gotten to you completely. Which tells me you can be turned, freed.”

“Freed?”

Poe checked his communicator. “We really have to wrap this up. Just- yes, I wanted someone on the inside, but no, I wasn’t willing to use sex to get it, okay?”

“But in the movies, you-”

“Yeah, I know how Fuck Order TV portrays me. That actor, by the way? Totally off. Looks nothing like me. Look at this skin. Olive at the very least. Why the fuck did they choose that white guy? He’s so pale he looks like a ghost.” Poe’s face was indignant, and Finn felt a smile try to break apart his lips. He clamped down instead.

“Obviously First Order doesn’t know what you look like.”

“Good thing for me, huh?” Poe grinned charmingly at him, then glanced down at the arm Finn still had pinning him. “We need to walk our separate ways now. And not be seen together for a few days. I’ll send you a message, Finn. Until I see you again, focus on the thought of being free. That word, specifically. Free. Freed. Freedom. Okay?”

Finn knew his face was a mask of confusion, but he released Poe. Poe placed a kiss on his own fingers and touched them to Finn’s cheek, before rapidly turning and walking the other direction, head down.

Finn made it home safely and without harassment from any troopers, but he couldn’t get the tenseness to leave his body. _Freed. Slip had been caught. Slip was gone. Slip was gone? No, Slip was_ reassigned. _But was he? How was it that he’d never met anyone that had been reassigned to duty in the Capitol? Why did all reassignments leave the city? Why was this so obviously wrong to him, now that he thought about it? Freedom._

It was the last thing he thought of before slipping into sleep.


	3. In a bathroom stall

**Present Day**

Finn made it about a quarter mile before he had to duck behind some bushes and throw up, the image of Poe's battered face at the front of his mind.

* * *

 

**8 months ago**

The next morning, he went about his routine, but everything was off. He was _aware_ it was a routine, now. A routine, regimented by the First Order. Why should the government tell him when to exercise? _Because that way they can ensure the health and safety of their citizens_ , responded one half of his brain. _Because if they control every aspect of your life, it makes you less likely to_ resist, replied the other half. Finn grunted in frustration and picked up his running pace, sprinting to the finish to banish the talk in his head.

But the whole day was fraught with the bickering in his head. Everything he did, everything he said, everywhere he went, something was off. It was like Poe had unlocked something in Finn’s mind.

His frustration mounted over the next few days, as he noticed that the Resist half of his brain had steadily and quietly shut down the Order half off his brain almost completely. Now he saw everything through the lens of rebellion.

He was angry. Seething all the time. He wanted to break their systems. Not _our_ , not anymore. _Their._ _Them._ And he was getting damned tired of waiting around for Poe to contact him.

When at last the message came, Finn was ready for a fight, and he rolled into the meeting place - a park bathroom outside the Capitol Building - with fists clenched.

There was a sign on the bathroom door that said “Out of Order”, but the door opened easily at Finn’s shove. As soon as he entered, Poe was pulling him away from the door and twisting the lock.

“That sign won’t fool anyone long.”

Poe grinned at him, not picking up on the anger in his tone. Or maybe ignoring it. “I know. But it’ll give me enough time to give you this.” He dug in the pocket of his gray uniform, coming out with a communicator that looked exactly like Finn’s. “It’s set to mimic your routine, with enough variance for human decision making.”

“So…”

“So it’s going to say you’re going to work, whether you’re there or not. It’ll allow us to meet when needed. This button - it shuts off the listening devices.”

“Listening devices?”

“Yeah, communicators have built-in bugs. They’re not listening to everyone all the time, but they have an algorithm for words or phrases that they think give them trouble.”

Finn stumbled against the wall. “You mean...this whole time...I’ve never had any private moment in my whole life?” Finn’s fist clenched. “What is this? How could they treat us this way? Where’d they take Slip? He’s dead isn’t he? How is this allowed to happen?” Finn was yelling now, all of the mounting frustration of the last few days spilling out of him. “Why hasn’t anyone helped us?”

He raised his fist, unsure of his target, and Poe’s eyes widened, but then, instead of raising his own hands or stepping back, he cheated his cheek out, as if giving Finn permission to slam his fist there. “I- what?” Finn deflated, fist lowering, hand unclenching.

“You’re pissed. You should be. I can take it.”

Finn shook his head. “I’m not going to hit you.”

Poe smiled at him. “Well, that’s good news for me. But believe me, I’m used to taking one on the chin for the Resistance. People tend to react pretty badly when they break out of the First Order brainwashing.”

“And you just let them hit you?” Finn took a step towards Poe, hand spanning across the spy’s waist.

“They have a right to be angry, and bruises heal.” Poe shrugged at him.

“That’s… a dangerous attitude to have.” Finn’s hand pulled Poe closer to him. Their mouths were inches apart.

“Listen, Finn, maybe it’s better if we just-”

“Do you want to kiss me?”

Poe’s eyes were desperate on his. “Yes,” he said on a breath.

Finn pulled him the rest of the way, settling their bodies together like they had been made for it, before descending with his mouth. Poe’s lips were warm, and sweet, and when Finn licked along the lower lip, Poe opened immediately. Finn swept inside, tasting Poe, leaning further into the kiss before coming back to nibble on Poe’s lower lip.

“Mmph,” Poe murmured. He worked a hand up between them, clutching onto Finn’s work uniform. “Finn.” The hand that had been wrapped in the fabric gently pushed Finn away, and Poe took a step back, leaning on the wall. “Finn, you’re not going to get this, but that’s not what I want from you.”

Finn’s brows furrowed together. “You’re right, I don’t get it. You consent, I consent, what’s to keep us from a social encounter.”

Poe smiled ruefully at him. “You know, for all that First Order is a government of fascist, murdering pigs, they could teach the rest of the world a few lessons on consent.” Poe went on when the confused look remained on Finn’s face. “Finn, where I come from, we don’t just have ‘social encounters.’ We, um, we date.” He reached out to take one of Finn’s hands. “We fall in love.”

Nothing cleared from Finn’s face. “But love is… chaotic.”

Poe chuckled a little. “Yeah. It’s pretty great.”

From the look on Poe’s face, Finn figured he must have found someone to love. Finn frowned. He should feel something about that. Happy for the other man? The thought of Poe kissing someone else just made him want to frown harder. “So, uh, what do you want me to do?”

Poe’s face sobered at the rapid change in topic. “Right. Well, in a few days, you’re going to be promoted to Tactics.”

“Did you arrange that?” Finn crossed his arms, uncomfortable with the idea.

“No, this has been coming down the pipeline for awhile. It’s why I-” Poe looked away and coughed. “It’s why I started looking at you for my inside man.”

“How long?” When Poe refused to look at him, Finn repeated himself, louder. “How long have you been watching me?”

“A few months.”

“A few _months._ ”

“About eight.”

“Poe!”

“I needed to know if you were one of the ones that could be broken out.”

Finn paced away from Poe, then toward him again. _Broken out obviously meant breaking free of the brainwashing._ “How did you know I could be? How did you know Slip was being taken for reprog- taken away?”

“Little things. You helped that old woman who dropped her cane a month ago. You were feeding a cat outside your complex for awhile until it disappeared. You helped try to keep Slip from losing control. Not enough to red flag you, but I could tell.”

Finn leaned back against the bathroom wall. “Slip is dead, isn’t he. That’s what ‘reprogramming’ is.”

Poe’s hand reached out for his. “Yeah. The First Order’s brainwashing system isn’t perfect. It cracks, and once it does, they don’t seem to have found a way to repair it. Whatever they’re doing to the human brain, it doesn’t seem to be able to take it twice. Slip’s rec time, your little deviances, they all show that the brain is breaking free. We didn’t get to Slip in time. When someone goes for “reprogramming,” they either end up dead, or used for brainwashing experiments that normally kill them.”

Something about the way Poe didn’t hold back, didn’t hold the punch of the information back, helped Finn deal with it better. “So what do you do? What does the Resistance actually do?”

“The Resistance is made up of deprogrammed citizens, like you, and outsiders, like me. I’ve never been a First Order citizen, except as undercover.”

Poe had mentioned that before, this place he was from that was somehow different than, outside of the Capitol. It made sense, obviously. Contain your citizens in one area, tell them they’re alone, get rid of anyone who questions it.

“We break citizens out when we can. Not everyone is as easy to break out as you were, or everyone here would be wondering why there's a Resistance in the first place, and that very questioning would cause them to break out out of the programming. First Order does something to shut that questioning down, but if we can get a person to start wondering "why" we have a good chance of getting them to break free.  The Resistance also tries to get to the ones they’ve identified for reprogramming out before they can take them. And we’re laying the groundwork for an attack, but it’s hard. With the brainwashed citizens, they have a very effective human shield.”

“Can you get me out?”

Poe’s hand squeezed his. “If that’s what you want.”

“But you’re staying.”

“Your people deserve to be free, and that’s what I’m here to do. But I’d understand if you want out.”

Finn looked up at the white ceiling, considering. He didn’t want to leave Poe behind on his own. He wasn’t sure where that feeling came from, but it overwhelmed him. “I don’t want out. Tell me what you want me to do, when I get promoted.”

A smile broke out on Poe’s face, and he clapped Finn on the shoulder. “Finn, buddy, I promise, we will escape somehow, when this is all done.”


	4. How we kissed so sweetly

**The Present**

Everything was going bleary around the edges. Poe squeezed his eyes shut to regroup, imagining the house he'd built in his mind, with only two occupants, one of them with a smile brighter than the sun.  He opened them again, better able to focus, for the moment anyway. The tall, red-haired figure was still hovering in the back as the trooper in all black picked up a pair of a pliers.

“Who is the traitor, spy?” Hux’s voice was cold, emotionless.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Poe spat out between swollen lips.

Hux nodded at the trooper, and the man turned to apply pressure to Poe’s finger with the pliers. Poe screamed, let it go, let it all out, before that bleariness blessedly swallowed him whole, and he fell into darkness.

* * *

**7 months ago**

Their standard meets were in bars around town. Never the same place twice. It was easy, in a bar, for the First Order to explain away a sound gap as system overload. They would chat idly over beer, making observations of the crowd. They’d sit close, and press together, from all views just a couple getting ready for a social encounter. Maybe they’d kiss, to really set the notion for anyone watching. Then, one would head back to the bathroom, or the broom closet, or a private room specifically made for social encounters, and the other would follow, and they’d _really_ talk.

Tonight, it was one of those rooms, and they had sat next to each other on the bed.

The Resistance wanted information on the brainwashing program. If they could find the key to why it didn’t work, didn’t take with some citizens, then they could use it to break more citizens out, and watch First Order crumble from the inside as they lost their human shield.

The problem was that First Order wasn’t exactly resting on its laurels, just letting a faulty system ride. They were constantly looking for ways to improve, to have less aberrations like Finn or Slip. Finn was working his way through the ranks to be able to look at that type of information, but he wasn’t high enough yet.

“They’re building something. Codename: Starkiller. That’s all I know so far.”

Poe’s hand reached out for his. “That’s good. That’s a name. We can always use a name.” His thumb was idly rubbing in Finn’s palm.

“I could try to get more. I mean, my commander wasn’t too pleased last time I asked, but I could try-”

“No, Finn. You can’t call attention to yourself.” Poe’s hand was squeezing his now, and his eyes were filled with urgency. “You’re taking enough of a chance. Let me be the one to actually risk life and limb here. I’m the professional. It’s why they pay me the big bucks.”

Finn reached down to touch Poe’s knee. “I don’t like the idea of you in danger.”

“Well then you know how I feel about you asking risky questions.” Poe’s passionate eyes looked into his, then away, and Finn brought up a hand to tip Poe’s chin back toward him.

“Poe, I don’t know what I’d do if anything happened to you.” Finn brought Poe’s head closer, then dipped his own to take Poe’s lips. Poe sighed into the kiss before opening up under the pressure of Finn’s thumb on his jaw. Poe brought his own hand up to clutch at Finn’s hair, and Finn gently pushed Poe down, lying on top of him, their mouths still connected. Finn broke it off, moving away to nibble along Poe’s jawline, then place a set of light kisses under his ear and down his neck. Poe made a needy sound, low in his throat, that went straight to Finn’s cock.

The door swung open, white troopers brandishing blasters and yelling “Get down!” Finn rolled off of Poe, staying low, both of them raising their communicator wrists to show they weren’t flashing. “The one we want isn’t here. Try the next room.” The troopers swung out again, leaving the door ajar. They kicked in the next door, and Finn heard sounds of a struggle. Less than a minute later, they marched back by, an unconscious woman flung over the shoulder of one of them.

“Shit.” Poe scrubbed a hand over his face.

Finn knew Poe well enough now to know what he was thinking. “You can’t save them all, Poe.”

“Not going to stop me from trying, buddy.” The light that Finn could always find in Poe’s eyes was gone, and that scared him more than anything.

“Let me ask Phasma about the project again. Maybe I can speed things up.”

Before Poe could respond, they both heard a muffled sob. Poe stood, striding into the hallway, and Finn followed. Instead of turning back to the main bar area, Poe went to the next private room. On the bed, clothes still in disarray, hunched a young woman.

“Hey, honey, you don’t want to do that here.” Poe crossed to the room, probably intending to comfort the woman, but she stopped him in his tracks when she looked up at them with fierce eyes.

“Don’t call me honey. I’m fine. Just a stupid side effect of watching people getting taken for reprogramming. I can’t help it.” She wiped furiously at her eyes, then looked away guiltily. “Just don’t tell anyone, okay?”

Poe crouched in front of her. “You don’t like watching people go away, huh?”

The woman looked like she’d been struck, and her eyes went blank for a moment, as if she wasn’t with them in the room anymore. Finn was about to - well, he wasn’t sure exactly what his plan had been - when she came back with a snap and a shudder. “No,” she said, her voice cold and dead.

“Peter 4381, and this is Finn 2187.” Poe held out his hand.

She took it cautiously. “Rey 5359.”

“Rey, have you ever thought about being free?”

“Being- what?”

Poe stood. “Think about it. See what comes up for you.” He took Finn’s hand and started to walk out, when Rey’s voice stopped them.

“Of course I want to be free.”

Poe and Finn turned back around, a grin wide on Poe’s face. “So you’ve thought about it before.”

She nodded, putting her clothes back into place nonchalantly.  “Do you ever wonder why we don’t get to choose anything? Our jobs? Our food? Where we live?” She put a hand over her mouth, looking surprised at what had slipped out, then suspiciously at the two men.

“Don’t worry, we’re not going to report you,” Finn quickly reassured her. “We’re with the Resistance.”

She stood, and Finn realized she was a tiny thing, but she looked like she could pack a punch. “ _You’re_ with the Resistance.”

Finn nodded, looking at Poe. “Po-Peter, can we get her out?”

“Yeah. Yeah, we can do that.”

Rey held up a hand. “Wait a second. Get me out?”

“Out of the Capitol. There’s an outside, Rey. Someplace where you get to make all of your decisions.” Poe had been telling him about this magical outside for weeks now.

“If you know about it, how come you aren’t there now?”

Finn exchanged a glass with Poe, who nodded. “Because we’re trying to take out First Order from the inside, to free everyone.”

Rey’s fist clenched by her side. “Then I want to help.”


	5. A tryst in the greenery

**The Present**

Finn wasn’t surprised when Rey was waiting for him near his building. She looked liked she’d been jogging the block until he showed up. She discretely followed him into the alley, and they ducked behind a garbage container.

“What’s the plan?” Rey asked after tapping the button on her communicator to block First Order’s ears.

“I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t-”

“Finn.” Rey slammed him into the wall. “Wake up. We need to help Poe.”

“But Poe’s the expert - Poe’s the one with the contacts.”

“And Poe wouldn’t give up on either of us. So we’re not going to give up on him.”

Finn looked into her calm eyes, and nodded. “Of course not.”

She softened her grip on him. “I know that he’s more than just a social encounter for you, Finn.”

“I love him, Rey,” Finn whispered. “I don’t want to watch him die.”

* * *

**6 months ago:**

The park was dark, making the white gazebo stand out. It was an approved rec area, but if anyone checked on Finn’s communicator, it would show him at home, watching TV. He entered the gazebo with a rush, spying Poe immediately and pressing him up against the wall for a searing kiss. He broke it off with a grin at Poe’ dopey face. “I got it.” He held up the data card. “It’s not Starkiller, but it’s something. It’s more than something. Poe, it’s _all of the research they have._ ”

Poe’s eyes grew wide as he took the card from Finn and deposited it safely in his pocket. Swiftly he pulled Finn back in for another kiss. A little breathless, Poe replied, “Nice work, Finn.”

Finn groaned and took Poe’s face in his hands, drinking at his lips. He rolled his hips into Poe’s, grinding their obvious erections together. “Poe, please,” he said, an edge of desperation in his voice.

Poe brought his hands up to Finn’s wrists, and Finn was sure he was going to push him away again. But Poe searched in his eyes, for what, Finn wasn’t sure, before making his decision. He nodded, wrapping his arms around Finn and pulling him closer.

Finn felt himself melt into Poe, in lust or in relief at finally being granted this access, he wasn’t quite sure. His hands went to the buttons on Poe’s uniform jumpsuit, revealing, for the first time, Poe’s firm tan chest with a dusting of brown curly hair. Finn ran his fingers through it, folding the uniform back to reveal more skin. Poe shrugged out of the arms, and let it hang at his waist, then started attacking Finn’s buttons. As soon as he’d revealed an inch of Finn’s smooth chest, he leaned in and latched on, laving down Finn’s collarbone and over his pecs, pushing back the uniform. He crouched, placing butterfly kisses over the flat plane of Finn’s stomach, making Finn suck in a swift breath, exhaling on Poe’s name. Poe glanced up then, eyes mischievous, as Finn slipped his arms out and Poe worked the uniform down over Finn’s hips along with his briefs, revealing Finn’s hard cock in its erect glory.

“Finn,” Poe sighed, before so swiftly engulfing Finn’s cockhead that Finn involuntarily took a step back, landing against the wall of the gazebo with a thud. He was surprised into laughter, and Poe, who’d lost Finn’s cock, leant back on his knees and laughed with him.

Finn knelt, cupping Poe’s face again even as they continued to laugh. “I don’t know who I was before you, Poe. I look back and everything- everything feels gray.”

“ _Finn,_ ” Poe repeated, impossibly full eyelashes fluttering. This time, when Finn captured Poe’s mouth, it was filled with something new, that realization Finn had. It was tender, and sweet, and Finn never wanted to leave Poe’s lips.

Gently, before Finn even realized he was doing it, Poe was pushing him back to the ground, leaning over him, still attached at the lips. Poe broke the kiss, murmuring against his mouth, “I love this, but-” Poe’s hand trailed down Finn’s chest, wrapping around his cock. “But I think I’ll love _that_ , too.” Poe’s lips followed his hand, until he was back at Finn’s dick, staring at it lovingly.

And that when it struck Finn - the person he’d imagined, the person Poe was in love with, was _him._ At that same moment, Poe’s beautiful mouth wrapped around his head again, and he looked up at Finn through his lashes, and Finn’s heart stopped, then starting beating double-time. Because love might be chaotic but if it brought him this? _Worth it._

Poe lowered his eyes again to set himself to the task of slowly taking Finn apart, piece by piece. Finn clutched at his stomach as Poe lowered himself down, down, all the way down, swallowing Finn into his throat. Finn’s hands roamed over his own chest. He couldn’t remember a time when he’d felt so good, so warm, so… _loved._ God, why would the First Order keep them from this? As Poe’s head bobbed, his eyes sometimes came up to see Finn’s reaction, and Finn knew it was written there across his face, as plain as day, for Poe to see it. _I love you._

Poe moaned around his cock at the sight, and Finn bucked up. “Poe, I’m going to-” His warning got caught in his throat, but Poe just smiled as he let Finn fill his mouth, licking around his head to clean Finn completely before letting Finn’s softened dick go.

“You’re gorgeous when you come.”

Finn sat up, hauling Poe up to meet his lips. “I should- Let me-” Finn reached down Poe’s body, but Poe stopped his hand.

“Don’t worry about it.” Poe’s cheeks went red. “I already-”

“Oh.” Finn captured his mouth again. Poe’s lips were red and swollen and irresistible. Finn gently started redoing the buttons on Poe’s uniform. “Poe, when this is over, if we… if we make it out…”

“You’re going to make it out, baby. I’ll make sure of it.” Poe’s eyes were fierce. He took Finn’s chin. “And when this is over, you’re going to get to see the rest of the world. And it’ll be so amazing. There’s so much out there, Finn. I can’t wait for you to see it.”

As their mouths met again, it wasn’t lost on Finn that Poe hadn’t said anything about getting himself out of this alive.


	6. I gave you documents and microfilms too

**The Present**

“Finn 2187, does your schedule permit you to watch the execution tomorrow?” Phasma hovered over his work station.

“Um…” Finn tapped a few keys, pretending to check his schedule, even though he knew it by heart. “No, ma’am. I’ll be working on the Starkiller launch.”

Phasma pulled out her tablet, and Finn’s work schedule for noon was suddenly cleared. “Each department has been asked to elect exemplary workers to witness the execution. You’re my pick. Some points have also been assigned to your account for your service on the Starkiller project.”

Finn swallowed. With one bold stroke, Phasma had completely fucked up his plans. Did she know? Did she suspect? “Thank you so much, ma’am. I’m very pleased with the opportunity.”

* * *

**5 months ago:**

“I got promoted to the Starkiller operation today,” Finn said quietly, leaning into Rey’s side like he was telling her how good she’d look in between the two of them. Rey’s wrist flashed the myriad of colors that meant pan, now, instead of solid purple for a female preference as it had before. She’d made the switch to facilitate their meetings, just as Poe had done. Now, as they shared the bar booth, she had her hand on Finn’s thigh, and Poe was leaning into her, and they looked for all and sundry like a trio about to move things to a private room. “We need to talk about it. It’s worse than we thought.”

Rey pressed a kiss to Poe’s cheek, before straddling him, pausing there for a second as he grinned at her. “Damn, you’re good at this. Too bad I’m not inclined,” Poe teased, though Finn knew he wouldn’t have been tempted anyway. Poe’s eyes slid over to his as Rey climbed off of him and got out of the booth. Finn knew exactly where Poe’s love lay. _Love._

“Shall we take this somewhere more private?” Rey suggested, holding out her hand to Poe. The men scooted out of the booth, and they trailed her back. Once behind closed doors, she leaned against the wall, arms crossed over her chest. “What did you find out?”

“So First Order training, it happens from birth, right? Women who get pregnant from social interactions are taken away to a special facility, where they give birth, and then the babies are taken from them.” Before Poe, Finn hadn’t even known it was possible to make babies from social interactions.

“And then they keep the women there, and inseminate them, since they’ve been deprogrammed but they’ve proven fertile,” Rey finished with disgust, her hands clenched.

“Right. And programming, it can’t be done after the brain reaches a certain stage of development.”

“Right,” Poe replied. “So, Starkiller?”

“It allows them to program adult brains.”

“What about reprogramming?” Rey asked.

“No, not that, not yet. But this is worse.” Finn let out a deep breath. “Starkiller is just a stronger brainwashing program. It’s a system that will allow First Order to connect to all of the world’s satellites, and brainwash everyone at once.”

“ _What?_ ” Rey and Poe said simultaneously.

At Finn’s weary nod, Poe flexed his fingers. “Shit.” Rey snorted at the understatement. “How long until Starkiller is functional?”

“I’m not sure exactly. Months? I can try to slow it down.”

Poe looked sharply at him. “How many times do I have to tell you, do nothing, _nothing_ , that brings suspicion down on you.”

“You mean like stealing documents?” Finn countered.

“Boys. Stop it. We certainly can’t let First Order brainwash the entire world, or all the ones that are programmable, anyway. We need a plan.” Rey arched her brow, as if daring them to get caught up in the old argument again.

Poe’s face remained stern, but he nodded. “Right. I need to get in contact with the Resistance. See if they can help us out with a plan.”

Finn nodded. Sometimes he forgot it wasn’t just the three of them against the First Order alone.

“What if we bypassed the system somehow?” Rey’s expertise in the mechanical aspects of First Order technology had come in handy more than once. She was blowing their hacked communicator functions out of the water.

“Can you get us the plans, Finn?” Poe asked.

“Yeah, yeah, I can do that.”


	7. Where once our bodies lay

**The Present:**

“We’re not ready,” Rey said quietly as they ate their lunch protein packs on opposite sides of the park bench.

“You don’t think I know that?” Finn took a deep breath to steady his voice. “I’m asking, can you be ready?”

“The trooper’s communicators are harder to clone.”

“Rey.” The anguish slipped into his voice, unbidden.

“I need you to hold it together, Finn. Poe needs you to hold it together.”

Finn took a bite of his bar. “I know. I’ve got the uniforms and blasters. We just need the communicators, Rey.”

Rey stood, walking by Finn to the garbage can and allowing her hand to briefly touch his shoulder. “We’re going to save Poe,” she whispered as she passed by him again and continued walking to her building.

* * *

**4 months ago:**

Poe’s signal for a meet on Finn’s communicator woke him up at two in the morning. He blinked at it confusedly, before pulling himself out of bed. He couldn't ignore it, it was important. It was always important with Poe. Poe wouldn't have done this for no reason. He pulled on the black sweats and shoes, and headed for the door. As he opened it, someone in dark clothing pushed past him and into his apartment, pressing him back against the door to close it and covering his mouth. Before the dark figure even opened his mouth, Finn relaxed. He knew the body pressed against his.

“It’s me,” Poe said. There was an edge to his voice.

“I know. What’s wrong?”

“They found me. Or they found the Peter identity. Which means they have my face now. My communicator beeping woke me up, but I ditched it in the garbage disposal and slipped out before they could catch me.” Poe held up his wrist to show the communicator there. “Back up. I can’t go back to my place. I can’t go anywhere Peter 4381 has been. And you, you and Rey, you’ll need to watch your backs. They’ll be observing you. Don’t break the routine on your communicator for the next week or so. Be exactly where it says you are.” Poe’s hands were clutched into Finn’s sweatshirt now.

“I- yes, I’ll do that Poe, of course I will. How are you going to get out of here?” Finn’s arms wrapped around Poe’s body, bringing him closer. _If this is the last time…_

“I’m going to stay here until the morning rush, then slip out when I’ll be less conspicuous.”

“But they know your face now…”

Poe flashed that quick grin at him. “I have a few tricks up my sleeve. The rest of the world has this thing called “makeup” I’ve never told you about. They’ll never catch me.”

Finn leaned his head onto Poe’s shoulder. “Will I ever see you again?”

“I’ll get you out of here, Finn, I promise you.”

“And you. Promise me that you’re coming too.” Finn drew eye to eye with Poe.

“Yes. We will escape.”

Finn saw the lie in his eyes, but the words were enough, for now. He took Poe’s mouth fiercely, determined to make use of the few hours they had left. Poe melted into him, deepening the kiss as Finn supported their weight on the door. Poe’s hips rolled and he hitched a leg up, trying to get closer to Finn, and Finn groaned. His hands left Poe’s hair and swept down to his thighs, hitching him up so Poe could wrap his legs around Finn’s waist and grind against him. Finn bit Poe’s lip playfully, and Poe leaned back, his lower body still in motion as his eyes closed in bliss. “Finn, I need- I need you in me. Please.”

Finn growled in reply, sucking a mark on Poe’s neck as he hefted Poe more securely under the thighs and walked them the short distance to his bed. It was narrow, as all personal beds were. Personal visitors were highly monitored and discouraged. Finn grunted, laying Poe down with all of the gentleness he could muster, but Poe still landed with a soft “Oof,” and grinned up at him as he quickly began to unbutton his uniform.

Still standing, Finn swiftly divested himself of his own sweats, feeling delight as Poe blatantly admired his naked body. Finn reached down to help Poe pull his uniform down over his ankles, and then he was able to do some admiring of his own. At the sight of Poe, naked in his bed and grinning widely at him, Finn felt like his heart might burst. He ran a light hand over Poe’s calf and up his thigh, and Poe shivered. “Poe.”

“Yeah?” Poe met his eyes.

“I love you.” He knew Poe knew this, he knew Poe had seen it on his face, but saying the words aloud… there was a power in that. A power First Order could never hope to approach.

Poe held out his hand, and Finn crawled forward on the bed to be able to hold it. “I love you. Have since I started observing you, Finn.”

Finn needed to touch, need to get his mouth on something, anything, and from his position, the closest spot was Poe’s stomach, so he started there. Poe’s hand swept over his hair, lovingly, and his smile was soft, and every gesture repeated the sentiment: _I love you._

Finn sighed at having to leave Poe’s body for a moment, but he needed the lube. Once he had it, he sat by Poe again, hip to hip, and gently eased his legs open. Finn slicked a finger and ran it around Poe’s rim, and Poe’s hips hitched a bit, his breath catching. As Finn eased the finger inside, running it around the ring of tight muscles to loosen it, Poe’s hand came up to run through his own hair. Finn added another finger, and Poe moaned, low. Finn searched with his fingers, and when he hit the right spot, sliding over Poe’s prostate, Poe’s hips left the bed in an attempt to fuck himself on Finn’s fingers. Finn slipped the third finger in, and Poe tossed his head to the side, hand still tangled in his own curls. “I’m ready, Finn, I’m ready. Please, I want you in me.”

Finn pumped the three fingers together twice more, to be truly sure, before letting them slip out and slicking up his cock. As he guided it in, he felt Poe tense, then relax into it. He felt impossibly tight, as Finn slid in, as Poe opened up to cradle him perfectly. When he was fully seated, Poe’s arms wrapped around him, running up and down his sweat-slick back. Finn began to rock, little motions at first, and Poe rose to meet him, matching his rhythm perfectly. He built the tension slowly, eyes locked on Poe’s. Finn reached down to bring Poe’s leg up to hitch around his hip, sliding deeper still, plunging in and out now. When Poe’s eyes closed, and he bit into his lip, Finn knew he was nailing Poe’s prostate, and pistoned his hips faster to get him there.

“Finn,” Poe whispered, his voice wrecked. He reached down between them to find his own cock, and Finn felt Poe stroke it rapidly before he was shooting over their stomachs. He opened his eyes again, staring into Finn’s, pupils blown wide with bliss, sending an overwhelming message of love that had Finn stiffening and emptying himself into Poe in three more thrusts.

Finn collapsed onto his elbows, trying not to crush Poe with his weight, as Poe went completely boneless beneath him. With a grunt of effort, he lifted himself out of Poe and dropped beside him, moving Poe into a spooning position so they could both fit on the bed. It may be crowded, but Finn knew that from now on, the small apartment would seem empty without Poe there with him.

As soon as Finn closed his eyes, he was opening them again for his communicator alarm. Poe was stirring already in his arms, and Finn squeezed him closer. “Not yet.”

Poe brought his hands down to meet Finn’s, wrapped around his waist. “We have a little time.”

Finn rested his chin on Poe’s shoulder. “If we were in your capital, what would we do this morning?”

Poe snuggled back into him. “Wake up later, or take more time in bed.” He turned his head to kiss Finn’s cheek, and Finn smiled a little. “We’d head to the market, maybe stop at the cafe on the corner on the way there and get something to nibble on as we go. I bet you’d like chocolate pastries. We’d get fresh bread, for dinner, and sample our way through the market, figuring out what we wanted to eat tonight. I’d have you test grapes and you’d be stubborn and say they all taste good so I’d toss you an exasperated look, and you’d chuckle and sneak in a kiss to calm me down. I’d go off for fresh fish and you’d stop and give a tourist directions, then strike up a conversation about their homeland, and introduce them to me, and we’d show them how to get to where they’re going. And you’d give them our address so they could join us for dinner. I’d pull you back to the apartment, then, and make love to you in the morning sun, among the gold and red where you belong, shi- shining.” Poe’s voice caught on the last word.

Finn blinked away from the vision. “We’ll be there together, someday,” he whispered in Poe’s ear. Poe nodded, a single tear welling but not falling from his eye. Finn placed a line of kisses along Poe’s shoulder, unwilling to get up, even though his warning alarm was going off now.

“Finn, I need to get ready, and you need to go about your routine.”

Finn pressed one more kiss to Poe’s back, then released him. Poe got up, unselfconscious about his body in a way that had Finn fantasizing about a red and gold apartment he’d never even seen before. Finn followed him, pulling on his sweats. When he was ready for his run, Poe stuck his head out of the bathroom. “I won’t be here when you get back.” The words hung heavy in the room. Poe was in the process of lightening his skin, somehow, and changing the shape of the features on his face. Finn captured his chin, turning it side to side, fascinated. “If I see you on the street, I won’t know you, will I?”

“It’s better that way.” Poe leaned in for a brief kiss. He held Finn’s gaze. “I’ll come back for you. We will escape somehow.”

Finn nodded, knowing Poe didn’t believe it.


	8. Our hands met through the bars

**The Present**

“I don’t know. You’re short for a trooper.” Finn patted himself down nervously, looking at the mirror in the park bathroom.

“So are you,” Rey retorted, pulling her helmet on and tucking her hair in. “It’s now or never, Finn.”

Finn thought of Poe’s battered face. “I know. Let’s do it.”

They exited the bathroom, trying their best to emulate the walk-march of two troopers on a standard sweep. They casually headed into the Capitol Building, and their hacked communicators got them past the security gates. They continued a sweep of the building, working their way lower, until they reached the prisoner cells. “Hux needs to see the prisoner and you’re relieved of command,” Finn said to the lone guard. The guard nodded, checking his own communicator to verify, and Finn and Rey let themselves into Poe’s cell. Poe was in a heap on the floor, but Finn couldn’t reveal himself yet.

Rey hit a button. “Audio and visual dead for two minutes.”

“Poe!” Finn pulled off his helmet.

Poe raised his head slowly from his arm. “Finn?” His voice was full of confusion.

Finn knelt awkwardly in the trooper’s uniform. “Oh man, Poe.” Finn gently helped him to a seated position, leaning against the cell wall. “Can you walk, or did they…”

Through heavily bruised eyes, Poe nodded. “I can walk.”

Rey took her helmet off so Poe could see her. “Then we need to get out of here.”

Even as Finn nodded, trying to pull Poe to his feet (avoiding his right hand, which was a bloody mess), Poe shook his head. “We don’t have time to argue. You have to leave me. They’re going to launch Starkiller tomorrow, when they’re broadcasting my execution. Anyone connected to a screen, anywhere in the world, they’re going to get brainwashed. You have to stop it. It’s why I came back. The Resistance built it, finally. The deprogrammer.” He looked at Rey. “If you can hijack the system, use Starkiller to disseminate the deprogrammer instead, every citizen in First Order would be free. Finn, the card for the deprogrammer is in our gazebo. You know the one.”

“So you’re just going to let yourself get executed, with me in the front row?” Finn tried to keep his voice down, but the hysteria was creeping in.

“If you can time it right, you can set off the deprogrammer before they get to my neck.”

In the silence, Finn thought, _and if we don’t get the timing right, I’ll lose you forever. Again._

_Save one, or save a nation? A whole planet?_

Finn ran a gentle hand over Poe’s battered face. “You look like shit, but I still love you.”

Poe winced when his grin cracked his lip open. “Yeah, well, trooper gear doesn’t become you, either, but I still love you, too.” He placed a light kiss on Finn’s lips, then raised his good hand to touch Rey’s leg. “You guys can do this. I know it.”

“That’s our time, we need to go,” Rey said, pulling her helmet back on after a smile down at Poe.

Finn nodded, standing and putting his helmet in place. With one last glance at Poe, he turned on his heel and walked away.


	9. Head held high, in uniform

**Execution Day**

Finn sat in his dress uniform in the front row, the sun beating down on him. Of course, on the day that he might just watch the love of his life get executed before his eyes, the day was bright and hopeful. Half of his brain was taken up with a constant string of thoughts for Rey, and her part in executing the plan. _Executing. Not a good choice of words, brain._

The empty stage before him was reflected on his communicator screen. Tens of thousands of citizens had crowded the square and streets where there were large screens displaying the stage, but anyone on duty would watch on their communicator screen. Nothing on the stage indicated to Finn exactly how they were going to kill Poe. He ran sweaty palms along his legs. He’d done what he could, setting up the bypass for Rey under Phasma's. This was in Rey’s hands now.

Finn stood and saluted as the First Order anthem played. Hux, Kylo Ren and Phasma ceremoniously walked in.

Voice amplified, Hux began his speech. “Today, we strike a blow against the Resistance. A blow against an organization, a term I loosely apply, who acquiesces to disorder and chaos. They want to take your way of life. They want to bring down our system. They want to see you cowering, and defenseless, and hungry in the streets, with no First Order to protect you.” His voice thundered through the buildings of the Capitol, bouncing and deflecting. More than one person near Finn shifted nervously.

 _Playing to their fears_ , Finn thought.

“Today, we will execute one of the greatest threats to our peaceful existence, Poe Dameron.” Hux paused as Poe was dragged on stage. They’d cleaned him up, Finn could see, and done something for the swelling. His face was recognizable now, and Finn imagined Hux had ordered it done so there could be no question as to whom they were executing. There were distinct murmurs of distaste around him. “The Resistance will remember this as the day their end came nigh. The day this traitorous instigator bowed before us, the First Order.” On the stage, two troopers pushed Poe to his knees, and Poe found his eyes in the front row, and, Finn couldn’t believe it, he _winked._

_I’m going to kill that man._

“The day we cut off the head of the Resistance, once and for all.”

 _Well that’s explicit,_ Finn gulped. On stage, Kylo Ren moved forward, drawing a sword from his side. Finn braced himself. _C’mon Rey_ . It wasn’t happening. Kylo made a show of swinging the sword around in the sun. _Good, idiot. Stall._ He tested the blade angle against the back of Poe’s neck, and Poe flinched slightly. Kylo started to raise the blade. _It’s going to be too late_ , Finn realized.

Before he knew what he was doing, he was launching himself up on the stage and tackling Kylo Ren to the ground. They fell, and the sword clattered away as the sound of twenty blasters preparing to fire echoed all around him. Time seemed to slow.

“Finn!” Poe was yelling, as the troopers rushed onto the stage. Kylo was scrambling for the sword, and Finn had latched onto him, holding him back.

“Cut away,” Hux yelled, and the screen on everyone’s communicator cut to the First Order state seal. Then, it flickered. Words flashed by rapidly. Out of the corner of his eye, Finn saw clips of birds flying, and a street market like Poe had described, and a million other images he wasn’t quite sure how to identify

“The Resistance will not be intimidated by you,” a cool female voice said over the video, as words continued to flash. Finn thought he saw “freedom” at one point before he turned away from the sight and back to Kylo. The man was still distracted, and Finn swung big, landing a heavy blow on Kylo’s jaw. Finn saw the whites of his eyes before he collapsed. Finn turned to see Poe scrambling to his feet, and everywhere around them, the citizens of First Order were staring at the closest screen, dazed expressions on their faces.

Near him, a trooper looked up, and Finn braced himself, putting an arm in front of Poe, but the trooper turned to stare at Hux and Phasma. “Why do I have to be a trooper?”

Another trooper looked around. “Why don’t I get to set my own alarms?”

All around them, citizens started looking up, and asking questions. Finn grabbed the keys off of the belt of one of the troopers and undid Poe’s handcuffs. “It worked! Rey fucking did it!” Poe yelled with a whoop. “You fucking did it!” He smashed their mouths together, then pulled back immediately with a wince. “Right, lip, forgot.” He grinned anyway as his lip split open yet again. Finn pulled him into a hug, more careful on his wounds than Poe remembered to be for himself.

“Where do you think you’re going?” At the trooper’s voice, Finn looked up, and saw that Hux was trying to slip out of the back of the stage.

Finn broke away. “We need to put him in handcuffs. And Kylo. Where’s Phas-” Finn turned his head swiftly, and pushed Poe out of the way as Phasma bore down on him, brandishing Kylo's sword and yelling "Traitor!" He took the blow of the sword down his back even as a dozen blasters fired at Phasma. Finn fell, and watched Phasma fall, and stared into her blank, dead eyes before his own succumbed to the grey cloud.


	10. They cannot catch me now

**Epilogue**

Finn bent over to tie the bright green running shoes. He hadn’t been able to resist them when he’d seen them at the store. Automatically, he flicked his eyes down to check the time on his communicator, and was greeted with a bare wrist. Poe told him he’d stop the habit eventually. He let himself out of the quiet apartment and smiled up at the new sun, just peeking over the rooftops. A loud horn greeted him, and he laughed, setting his feet to his task.

Poe had asked if Finn wanted to move someplace more quiet, and Finn had refused. He’d fallen in love with Poe’s neighborhood the minute he’d gotten out of rehab. He wound his way through the streets, greeting, and being greeted. He kicked a stray football back at a group of early-risen kids looking to get the most out of their summer vacation. When he’d rounded back around toward Poe’s place - _their_ place, Luz tossed him an apple from her stand, and he tossed a coin back.

His therapist had worried - Poe had worried - that Poe’s homeland would be too much for Finn, as some places were proving to be for some of the refugees of the First Order. Maybe it was because Finn had deprogrammed so early, and Poe had tantalized him with tidbits of life outside, but Finn had had absolutely no problems adjusting to Poe’s world. Nor had Rey, who lived a few miles from them. He laughed as he spied the bright red door to their place, shining in the sun. 

Inside, he set the half-eaten apple on the counter and turned to run cold water over his face. Through the open window, he heard someone walk down the street with their music blasting, and someone else, considerably older sounding, yell at them. _Free will is a beautiful thing,_ he thought. _  
_

Finn walked back to the bedroom and smiled at the lump that was Poe, still abed. Poe turned toward him, already a grin on his face even as he scrubbed the sleep out of his eyes. “Am I ever going to break you of the habit of leaving bed so damn early?”

“No, but what if I start the habit of joining you once I’m done?” Poe held up the covers and Finn slipped back in, wrapping his arms around his sleep-warm boyfriend. _Boyfriend. Because I’m allowed to call him that now._ “So, what’re the benefits of coming back to bed, then?”

“I can tell you, but it’s really better as a demonstration.”

“Mmm,” Finn answered as Poe’s mouth covered his.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Or even clicking on this fic given that it probably sounded pretty weird! And you made it through! So thank you!
> 
> If you also enjoyed the fic rather than just endured it, I'd love to know! Leave me kudos or a comment, it's much appreciated!
> 
> I'm @animalasaysrauer on tumblr.


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